World Poetry Day

I offered them to ITV.com but they weren't interested. I called up Sepp Blatter to see if he fancied using them on his FIFA election campaign literature - to no avail. Here are three football-themed haikus to mark 21 March. No doubt these will come back to haunt me in later life.

Upton Park, 3.42pm

Parker, still Parker.

Brilliant play. He looks for

Carlton Cole...offside.

An ESPN commentator's nightmare

Krylya Sovetov,

Anzhi, Luch-Energiya:

Unpronounceable.

Romelu

It's rather a coup

To write a rhyming haiku

For R. Lukaku.